Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
