how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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