my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
honey bunches of taint.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
