His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
