is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
