i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
