so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
