i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
