someone threw a dead crab at me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
