you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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