The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
