So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
