So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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