she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
