I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
