It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Farmville is her only friend.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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