My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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