then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
