I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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