This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
