He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
