so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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