when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
