just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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