yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
