went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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