i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
