Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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