Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
