Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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