well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
