whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
