i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
