We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
