Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
