So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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