that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
