I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
