Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
