You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
