I want to make a zoo with you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
