I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
