3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
