New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
