he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
