Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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