It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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