I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
