final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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