Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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